We got crazy hungover and tried out a bunch of "cures" so you don't have to
Hangovers are the worst. We have to deal with them pretty regularly at Ministry HQ and they only get worse with age. You wake up the next day, crawl into the office and think "why? God, why?!". There's the headache, the upset stomach, the inability to concentrate, THE FEAR, the regret. Pretty much the most gruelling thing about being in your twenties in the UK - you know apart from limited job prospects, crippling rent, figuring out who you are (you know, the basics) - is having to deal with a bare minimum of once weekly hangovers.
But hang on, this is 2015, surely we don't have to go through this every week. Back To The Future promised us flying cars by now and we almost have them, so science must've found a way around something as banal as a hangover. We decided to do some internet delving and find the most up to date and hi-tech hangover cures on the market - no bacon sandwiches here.
Some of the hangover products before the #sesh.
We managed to find a range of products and even better a range of companies willing to give us said products for free to test drive. We got a weird shot thing, a whole host of different tablets, a patch, a spray, an app and even an IV drip (which are apparently all the rage with celebs and city boys). First we drew out of a hat to see who got which product. Then the fun part: we went out and got call-your-Granny-and-tell-her-you're-going-to-quit-work-and-save-the-turtles drunk. We mean mad drunk, on a Thursday. Then we took our cures and hoped for the best.
Today we've collected our booze-addled thoughts and put them down for you, so you don't have to go through the same hell we did. Because we're nice like that.
Initial skepticism turned to pleasant relief with Prefunc.
Tamara: I feel fabulous. Despite waking up with a mouth like a hay barn (?? I dunno. It was really dry) my hangover is fairly non-existent. My only regrets from last night stem from the quiet shame of waking up with a full face of make-up, and as I type I’m plotting to steal the rest of the Prefunc samples in order to abate any further drinking discomfort.
Prefunc itself tastes like watered down Jagermesiter without the energy boosting benefits, but the struggle has been relatively non-existent today.
3.8 / 5
If you're heading to The White Isle this summer - you can stop by REVIV's newly opened Ibiza clinic.
Adrian: I was very excited to try it out, pretty cool idea, and really swanky clinic, but even with all this it didn’t quite live up to expectations. The effect wasn’t as strong/immediate as I thought it would be. I think it definitely helped; I tend to get mean hangovers and, on the whole, I feel ok. But I don’t feel great, which is what I was looking for. Considering the hefty price tag, I can't say I'd go again.
2.5 / 5
Brainwave before and after... not impressed.
Melissa: The App was supposed to be used when getting ready and throughout the day. I forgot about it until I was in Starbucks and I managed to listen to it for about 5 seconds before turning it off. The “Beach Surf” sound gave me an instant existential crisis. The only time I played it after that was to demonstrate to people how awful it was. :/
-5 / 5
RU 21 was apparently developed by the KGB and it got Nathan back on the ciders in no time.
Nathan: I’m feeling alright, hydrated and much better than I should be with the amount I drunk. I’ll still a little slow and my thought processes are taking longer like with a normal hangover but no nausea and no feeling like I want to be in bed rocking gently back and forth.
3.5 / 5
Helena wasn't impressed with Drinkwel
Helena: These pills were so useless. I've had a massive headache all day, despite the huge Thai green curry I chowed down on at lunch. It didn't help that I lost the pills halfway through the night, so I only took 1 while drinking, but I reckon their hangover prevention would have been pretty rubbish anyway. Next time I'll stick to a bacon sandwich as my go to hangover cure.
Our winner Sprayology before, during and after.
Barney: I was a bit sceptical before trying out the Sprayology but I actually feel pretty fresh today – not 100% but better than I would have been without it. You're meant to have two sprays in the mouth before you start drinking, two each hour during the drinking session, two sprays before bed and then two in the morning. I was spraying all night! It seemed to sober me up when I was feeling a bit ropey which was a big bonus. The downside is that it doesn’t taste too great and you get weird looks from the bouncers!
4 / 5
The natural remedy before and after. Negla was pleasantly surprised.
Negla: I had the Milk Thistle which I’ve heard about in the past as a good remedy. I took two tablets before the night started and another two the next morning, I didn’t feel any different throughout the night. When I woke up this morning I felt better than I expected – I’m usually still groggy first thing and it takes me a while to feel clear headed. But with these tablets I felt around 50% better. I didn’t think Milk Thistle would make that much of a difference but I definitely felt better the next day.
3 / 5
Bravado soon turned to despair with the Bytox patch.
Matt: The idea of slapping on a patch then hitting the town and waking up with nothing damaged but my dignity is an incredibly attractive prospect. The list of ingredients seemed like it contained nothing you wouldn't find in an A-Z vitamin tablet, but something about the packaging made it seem legit. So I put it on, cracked a can and had total confidence that tomorrow morning I'd be springing out of bed to a brave new world where hangovers are but a distant memory. Sadly that couldn't be further from reality. I actually feel like I was more hungover than usual. And to make sure it was a fair test, I refrained from my usual double-dose of ibuprofen which meant I had to endure a pretty severe headache. Things only got worse in the office and I finally peeled the thing off in defeat around midday. It left a perfect square mark on my arm - a lingering reminder of my naivete. Would not recommend.
0 / 5
So there you have it, the overall winner was a spray you have to squirt into your mouth every couple of drinks and the overall loser was an app that plays tones into your ears. You're welcome, world.