Ten Terrible Tracks From The World's Richest DJs!


The Forbes Electronic Cash Kings List has been released, revealing the world's top ten highest paid DJs

Bookended by Calvin Harris and Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, it's proof that playing big gigs for large franchises can pay off. Also that being a white man can help too.

In the interest of keeping Tiesto, Martin and friends #grounded, we've unearthed these clangers they might be interested in forgetting. Stay humble!

1: Calvin Harris's work on "Holiday" by Dizzee Rascal

Calvin played a healthy part in the popularising of Dizzee Rascal, producing two of the tracks that went to number one on his album Tongue N' Cheek. "Holiday", when you break it down, is pure basic. Lyrically it's been constructed with a music video in mind, and production wise, it sounds like the sort of trance song that end up in the pop charts for no inexplicable reason. Rejected by The Saturdays, picked up by Dizzee Rascal, produced by Calvin Harris, and featuring Goldie. Weird. 

2: Gotye - "Somebody I Used To Know" (Tiesto Remix)

AKA the Tiesto meat cleaver edition! Also sounds identical to "One (Your Name)" by Swedish House Mafia!

3: David Guetta - "Sexy Bitch" ft Akon

If a tree falls in the wood, does it make a sound? OR, if this track hadn't been released, would David Guetta's name have been on every other dance-pop song from 2008 till infinity? Similar dilemma. Also you may have changed the name to 'chick' on all radio released, but it still says 'bitch' on Spotify. Nice one, Dave. 

4. Zedd and Aloe Blacc - "Candy Man"

Lovable Zedd, hater of Trump and supporter of Ke$ha, has rarely lost his footing. He's managed to make music for pop stars without becoming a laughing stock and he seems to genuinely love the people who are his fans, but making music for M&M's? Kinda lame. 

5. Steve Aoki - "Cakeface"

What the actual fuck, though? Chucking baked goods at people who've likely paid upward of 50 quid to come and watch you play? Thank goodness this is over, seeing as it ended in Aoki doing actual damage to his arm and worse still, someone in a wheelchair getting hit. 

6. Diplo - "Express Yourself"

Diplo truly is the sum of his parts; all his best music has been released as official projects with other people. Hands up who remembers 'Random White Dude Be Everywhere'? Precisely. All I remember about the promotion of "Express Yourself" - which wound up on the album - is Diplo spamming his Instagram with women's asses. Tiring. 

7. Skrillex & Damien "Jr Gong" Marley - "Make It Bun Dem"

Picture the scene. Boardroom. Industry Execs. Skrillex's burgeoning success as an EDM artist. Big ideas thrown around, there's possibly an 'ideas board' with marker pens. An unexpected collaboration is needed from the hot new producer, but who! Someone to show how versatile he can be, someone who will broaden his fanbase. Ah yes. That's it. Damien Marley. Got it. 

8. Rasmus Faber ft Emily McEwan - "Are You Ready" (Kaskade Remix)

This is undoubtedly the music for a daytime TV ad commissioned by the Maltese tourism board.

9. Martin Garrix

Sort of hard to lay into a guy who managed to impress pretty much everyone in music by the age of 16. So we've found some people on the internet who are more than happy to!

10. Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike

We'll just leave this here.

More Like This:

Matching DJs To Their Perfect Reality TV Shows

Who's The Biggest Bro In Dance Music?

Calvin Harris's Easy 3 Step Workout

Written by Tamara Roper

18 Aug 2016