12 Crucial
Dos And Don'ts
For Ibiza 2016

Survive the White Isle with this completely legitimate, foolproof guide to your holiday.

Keep these in mind to make sure you don't fall foul of the island's bizarre new laws

After the International Music Summit in Ibiza, the club doors officially open and another summer of partying on the White Isle is ushered in.If 2016 is your first time time in Ibiza, good luck. It'll be everything you dreamed of, but with bells, whistles and every bit of added confectionary imaginable to boot. Good times await, though keeping the below in mind whilst you're losing yourself to dance might be worthwhile. 

Ibiza is pure hedonism, but it does come with some small print...

DO: Pay attention to the sun

DUH etc. but by ‘watch the sun’ we mean more than just your SPF. Actually watch it, as Ibiza sunsets have a kind of mystic lore to them. Depending on what part of the island you’re in, you’ll catch an entirely different crowd applauding its journey into the sea. The Café Mambo crowd will have booked tables for the ‘best view’ of the sunset, whereas the Northern crowd will be busy hosting drum circles and dancing topless to celebrate the night. Pick your spot and enjoy.

DON'T: Take yourself too seriously 

You’re not an oligarch and neither is it your last night on earth. Don’t act like it and you should find yourself much less stressed. Trying to get into VIP every night or getting so fucking messy you end up with ‘BEEFA’ tattooed on your thigh is going to end up adding to the heinous cost you’ve already spent getting to the White Isle. Straddle the line between excessive and basic and you’ll get on better than trying to do both. (Shout out to the all oligarchs and the #YOLO crew tho, no disrespect).

DO: Make pals with people who live there permanently

These people see Ibiza as more than just a holiday destination. It’s a lifestyle, it’s their home, and it's guaranteed they’ll know five hundred times more than your sister who visited five years ago and copped off with an Es Paradis rep.

DO: Make pals with promoters

Wristbands, free drinks, queue jumps - pretty much everything that’s going to make your night out that bit more enjoyable because it’s come at no cost.

DO: Pre game

The rumours are true. A drink does cost in excess of €15. Load up before you go out if you intend on getting hammered, or be prepared for a shaky call to your bank mid-way through your holiday to ask for an overdraft extension.

DO: Keep your street water hidden

Not a euphemism for pissing in the street, but a caution to those who might want to stay hydrated outside a bar. According to police, judging what's inside a water bottle is "impossible", so to crack down on drinking in the street, the policia have banned it entirely. The new law (which has yet to be officially passed but raise your wariness in case) has suggested that those caught will be subject to a $750 fine.

DON'T: Become a lager lout

YES there's a football tournament on. NO you don’t see anyone acting as much of a twat as anyone in a red and white T shirt. If you really feel the need shout at a television, head to Lineker’s and stay there.

DO: Go to Space

The legendary club is in its last year of existence, at least as we currently know it. Next year it’s due to get “more VIP friendly”- so get there before the aforementioned oligarchs get in.

DON'T: Stay on one side of the island

There’s a reason politicians go to Ibiza, and it’s (probably) nothing to do with the clubs. Make like Miliband and hire a car or a scooter and have a zip around, if only to see what you can find.

DO: Prepare for the flight home

You can attack what will likely be the worst two hours of your life in one of two ways. Either see off your holiday in style and attempt to board the flight in the same state you’ve been in for the last seven days, or you can settle in for the discomfort with a onesie, neck rest and a sleeping pill. Either way, don’t kid yourself that it's going to be a walk in the park, because it most certainly won’t be.

DON'T flier for ANYBODY

Your mate's got the 5-6 slot at Sankeys and has asked you to flier for them? Nah mate. That should be your answer, anyway, seeing as "dynamic advertising" (ie. hassling punters on the street) has been banned in San Antonio.

DO: Acknowledge that you’ll consider staying forever

Why wouldn’t you? Ibiza is arguably the most beautiful island in Europe. Caribbean in some parts but Balkan in others, it brings together people who all want to enjoy each other’s company (and get right on it). There’s an energy to the place that’s brought about by more than just the Class A’s. And rest assured:  for more than a split second, you will think about ways to up sticks and stay.

Get a taste of the White Isle this weekend, as we host the Together send off party, featuring Claptone and Michael Calfan Tickets are here.

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Written by Tamara Roper

03 Jun 2016