You're going to be seeing a lot of these people this summer
The first cracks of summer have split the endless grey of winter and the prospect of three months of Ibizan terraces, British festivals and Croatian boat parties looms on the horizon like a beer drenched colossus.
With the party season comes a whole kingdom of party people. Most of these will be just like you and me, but an increasing number of them are falling into one of a growing list of house music stereotypes.
These new breeds of revellers can be identified by their distinctive dress sense, their music of choice and, of course, by the tenacity of their recreational drug use.
So without further ado, here's our easy to use guide to spotting a house music stereotype. Remember you could be spending a lot of time with these people of the coming months, so you better know what you're getting yourself into.
Fig.1 Acid House Revivalist
Though he was but a glint in his father’s eye during the Second Summer of Love, this guy jumped into the acid revival with both converse-clad feet. Catch him at Bangface with an inflatable shark in one hand and a glow stick in the other. His love for rave accessories and acid smileys is as big as his pupils. Go hard or go home? He goes hard then goes home and goes harder.
Fig.2 Ageing Bloghaus
Remember 2007? He doesn’t remember anything SINCE 2007. No financial crash, no EDM, no David Cameron. Just shutter shades, caps and neon hoodies. While the Ed Banger crew aren’t up to much these days, the Bloghaus revival is no doubt on it’s way. Catch this guy in December when Justice have dropped their third album and A-Trak's doing a B2Bloghaus world tour with Erol Alkan. He’ll be front left, doing the D.A.N.C.E.
Fig.3 Deep House Bantersaurus
Fig.4 The Deep House Bantersaurus likes his music like he likes his clothes – straight out of an H&M advert. A bit of a hermit in during winter, but come summer he's nigh on ubiquitous. The months of punishing gym sessions, 5:2 diets and creatine are all worth it when May rolls round and he's getting the guns out with the lads at We Are.
Fig.4 Disco House Poseur
The Disco House Poseur likes things a tad more sophisticated. To him House is more than a feeling - it’s a high end lifestyle. He probably doesn’t drink Stella, but he looks like he's stepped straight out of their adverts. He remembers a time when people dressed up to hit the club, or maybe he doesn't… but as sure as Dimitri is from Paris, he’ll be chewing the ear of anyone who’ll listen about his collection of rare 70s space disco.
Fig.5 Tech House Wannabe
Technically he ‘works in the industry’ and while he acts like a label boss, he's probably a promoter. Dressed head-to-toe in black, there isn’t a pair of trainers too expensive for the Tech House Wannabe. Catch him in (or at least around) the booth, looking like he's never had fun in his life.
Fig.6 Tropical House Cultural Appropriator
Festivals, day parties and rooftop bars are her life. What’s the point of dancing in a dark room where no one can see you, right? The only thing more tropical than her music taste is the smorgasbord of culturally-appropriated accessories that make up 90% of her outfit. Catch her in VIP with her besties discussing which filter to use on that selfie she took on the hammock, with the headdress.
It's all fun and games judging other people, but which house music stereotype are you? Take our quiz to find out.
Ministry of House is out now, get it here.
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20 May 2016