If you thought Comedians On EDM was a shit show, just wait to you see this disaster
Back in July we discovered a video so awful we had to have a 12 day Internet detox just to process what we'd been subjected to. That video was 'Comedians On EDM'. Easily the worst thing to happen to dance music since Scooter, the video lingered long in our nightmares.
So it's with the heaviest of hearts that we bring you news of another, potentially more harrowing, video. That video is, 'This Is Dance Music: Dubstep' and you can watch it, if you must, above.
The video is so awful it's managed to piss off just about everyone in UK dance music and has probably done more damage to Beatport's reputation that Robert Sillerman.
The video features a range of hat-wearing Americans attempting to describe the history of the UK's beloved dance genre through a series of laboured metaphors, misinformation and grunting.
In under three minutes, Dubstep is described as "spawned from robots having sex", "in your face", "a mix of every genre before it", "kind of like drum and bass, but faster", "140 beats per minute", "higher dimensional extraterrestrials", "Bwuep Bwuep Bwuep Bwuep Bwuep", "DuunD DuunD DuunD DuunD DuunD" and "lazers".
It's so infuriating that it's difficult to identify just what you hate about it the most, but I think my main grievances can be summed up in three points:
1. The Talking Heads Are Neither Talking Nor Heads
If you're going to make a video explaining a genre of music, maybe get people that a) know anything about that genre b) can explain that genre more eloquently than just making 'WHOMP' noises while bouncing in their chair like excited toddlers. What was the qualifying process to pick these experts? "Have you ever bought an 'Eat Sleep Rave Repeat' vest at Spring Break?"
2. It's Has The Production Value Of A Desperate Talk To Frank Video
Seriously, what was the brief for this? Make it look simultaneously like a segment from Flavor Of Love and an advert for After Effects? It looks like a high school art student entered a film competition sponsored by Monster energy drink.
3. It Was Made By Beatport
At least 'Comedians On EDM' was made by wannabe panel show guests that never once claimed to actually know anything about dance music. This is made by one of the biggest brands in electronic music. Their website is ran by a former editor of Thump, their target demographic is people who spend all their money on keeping the scene alive. What the fuck Beatport?
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15 Mar 2016