2nd March 2016 will surely go down in the annals of history as peak beef
Some news from The Internet now, as two of Twitters most controversial stars finally locked horns. Yes that's right, the unstoppable force of Kanye West met the immovable object of Deadmau5 on the 140 character battleground.
Who would be victorious when these leviathans met in the field of combat?
Would the world shake to it's very core?
Would music media implode on itself? Fracturing into a thousand #hottakes and embedded Tweets?
Would a new dawn emerge from the ashes?
A brave new world?
One where we don't have to cover the tantrums of self-absorbed millionaires as though it's actual, breaking news?
Of course not.
Here's what happened.
It all started innocently enough. Old Yeezy, who's recently been making so many headlines, that if we still printed them on paper there'd be a world paper shortage, decided to post a screenshot of DAY THREE IN THE STUDIO, YO.
The screenshot alone made headlines because it showed: a) that even Kanye doesn't use Tidal to listen to music. b) that he's been on Pirate Bay (the same company he's threatening to sue for sharing his The Life Of Pablo a record 500,000 times on the day of release. c) That even Yeezus can't hide from MacKeeper. d) That a man who regularly compares himself to Picasso uses SAFARI.
So the pieces were written, the tweets tweeted, everyone had a good eye roll at Kanye and The Earth kept turning. That's until several hours later, when the world's biggest troll emerged, eyes blinking from his cave. Deadmau5, who had apparently not slept since performing a gig the previous night, saw the widely reported screenshot and clocked that - SHOCK, HORROR - it appeared Kanye was trying to pirate a copy of the production software, Serum.
Why did this get Joel's ears in a twist? Well because he's only bloody besties with the guy that created the software. Side note: he's also business partners with Kanye in Tidal, but as the old saying goes - "bros before joint equity partners in an illuminati-esque streaming service".
At this point the whole thing got even weirder as Tommy Lee - of Mötley Crüe and non-HD sex tape fame - who is a good pal of Mau5, chimed in with a dig of his own. Side note: bizarrely, Tommy's tweet was sent from the desert, where the drummer was stranded after his car caught on fire while he was racing in the Gumball 3000.
After that, Mau5 took himself to bed. And again, the world went quiet. I went out for pizza and had a pretty solid night's sleep (thank's for asking). Humanity moved on.
This morning, as I gazed into the icy depths of my phone, Twitter was #blowingup. Kanye had made his retort, and the world's media had gobbled it up like new born piglets. Celebrity gossip writers exclaiming "what's a Deadmau5?" mixed with the frantic tap-tapping of nails on smart phone screens became the defining soundtrack of March 3rd 2016.
I've loving reproduced his comeback in full below, for those short on time, the best line is "dead-mow-five".
AND THEN LO, THE MAU5 DID TWEET
So, who won?
Who the fuck cares?
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03 Mar 2016