Features

The Top 5 Weirdest Things You Can Pay Dillon Francis
To Do

Good guy Dillon will do characteristically random shit for charity.
 

Dillon Francis is a kind of weird, but totally charitable, guy


I was perusing Reddit when I came across a guy wondering whether he could book any big names for private events with a $20-35,000 budget and u/Ulyceez replied with this:

I thought ‘huh, that’s cool’ but brushed it off as a one-off thing. However, after digging a little deeper, it just so happens that Mr. Francis offers all sorts of crazy shit that you can pay him to do. And here’s the best bit, all the proceeds he gets go straight to charity! There’s a huge variety of stuff you can pay for, totalling just over $650,000 all in, so I’m going to see if I can tempt you to shell out your hard earned cash on my five favourite options.


5. VIDEO: DANCE ROUTINE TO ANY SONG OF YOUR CHOICE - $3,000

Starting off with a (relatively) moderate amount of $3,000 to ease you in is this great option. The picture by this particular option depicts Dillon giving it his all to the much-covered "Gangnam Style" dance. What I like about this option isn’t the idea of something so obvious as Gangnam Style though – I like the potential of ‘any song of your choice.’ You could go wherever you like with this one. Hit whatever end of the spectrum you like, from a completely inappropriate choice like Johnny Cash’s "Hurt" to something left-field like Hudson Mohawke’s "Cbat". $3,000 well spent if you ask me.


4. SHOT FOR SHOT REMAKE OF TRAILER FOR “JERRY MAGUIRE” - $15,000

“Show me the money.”


3. DILLON FRANCIS DRUNK COOKS YOUR RECIPE - $2,500

I like the simplicity of this. This seems to me like the kind of thing Dillon does regularly so he’s thought he might as well make some money for charity while he’s doing it. I’m sure being on tour in endless successions of hotels can get draining and this is definitely a good way of staying entertained for my money. This is another one where you can get creative, too. You could say you want beans on toast and see where he takes it in his drunken state, or you could ask for something super fancy like Foie de Veau à la Lyonnaise (calf liver with caramelised onions, apparently…)  


2. HAVE DILLON FRANCIS RUIN YOUR STEPDAD’S CHRISTMAS - $20,000


Given that it’s just turned February this one would take a while to get around to, but when it does, boy would it be sweet. You’re not my real dad Alan, and you’re a dick so here’s a hefty dose of Francis messing up your boring Christmas. I wonder if you are expected to have any input in the method by which Dillon decides to ruin Alan’s Christmas, or if you simply pay the $20,000 and he just shows up and does his thing. Interesting, huh?


1. DILLON FRANCIS WILL BECOME VEGAN FOR A YEAR - $100,000

Now, I appreciate this one is pricey but in terms of a purely psychological experiment if nothing else, wouldn’t this be fascinating? I mean, it’s pretty safe to assume that Dillon wouldn’t be a vegan by choice, right? Frankly, he wants $100,000 to do it so he can’t be too keen on the idea. But given that it’s such a princely sum, and it’s for charity, he’d have to stick with it. That means no turkey on Christmas day, no kebabs when stumbling back drunk from a show. It’s a genuine challenge. I’d also like to know if he’d stick with it and carry on being a vegan afterwards or if at midnight on the 365th day he’d tuck into a 20 oz. filet mignon.


If you have deep pockets and want to actually do any of this madness, click here.


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Written by Joel Saunders

17 Feb 2016