Cheapskate Christmas Gifts

Do you have a dance music fan in your life? Need to get them a present? Want to put in the least amount of money and effort possible? We got you, you awful person you.

Christmas can be expensive, cut a few corners with these cheaper-than-chips gifts

With just seven days to go until the big day, it's time to get your Christmas panic buying underway. Unfortunately December can be a pretty tough month for the wallet, what with all the work dinners and festive drinks you have to shove into your face. If you're anything like me you'll already be flat broke and the thought of hitting the high street has you in cold sweats.

If you've got a lot of dance music fans in your life, it can be even tougher. Festival tickets are in the hundreds, DJ equipment in the thousands and don't get me started on vinyl.

As it's the spirit of giving, I've decided to help my fellow cheapskates out and put together a gift guide, the sum total of which will give you change from a twenty - and many of them under a pound!

The Cheapest Records On Discogs

Need a gift for a music lover? Just head to Discogs, select all genres and sort by price lowest - highest. You're then met with literally hundreds of vinyls priced at just €0.01 - that's not even one penny. Pick ten at random and BOOM. Look who seems like they've spent time, money and effort on a gift, when really, you're batting well below the bare minimum. 

Pro Tip: Don't know which records to choose? Just pick ones with cool artwork - that way if they sound awful, your loved one can still use them as cool decorations. Man, are you bossing Christmas 2015.

A Solitary Glow Stick

Get the raver in your life something both thoughtful and practical by making sure they're all ready for a Boxing Day mad one with this handsome yellow Glow Stick. It's not even one of those thin ones either, it's a fatty! 29p! Hurry only 2 left in stock.

Glow In The Dark Whistle

Think of this as the deluxe version of the Glow Stick. This takes the 'glow' part and adds a 'noise' part. That's a sound AND light show coming from your gift, pal. Another Baileys? Sure! You've earned it.

Pioneer DJM Mixer... Screw!

The other half fancies themselves a bit of a DJ, do they? Make sure they never miss a beat by buying them a back up screw!! It may seem like an odd choice now. But when they're dropping fire at the next family do and a screw rolls out of the mixer - we've lost count of how many times this has happened to us - you're gift will be there. Swooping in to save the day. You're pretty much J.E.S.u.S and Santa rolled into one with this pioneer-ing pressie.

Craig David's Actual Beanie*

*A beanie that actually looks like Crag David's. This is such an on-point gift for Christmas 2015. This is like Netflix and Chill on a Swegway, but in gift form.

Headphone Design Black Socks

Socks have been the go to cheapskate gift for decades... so yeah headphone socks. "You can wear these, while you're wearing your headphones!" - That's what you'll yell, manically, to distract the giftee from the crippling sadness engulfing them as they unwrap these monstrosities.

DJ AT WORK Car Air Freshener

Bizarrely this 'DJ AT WORK' car air freshener is the second most expensive thing on this list. I mean having a fresh-smelling car is great and all. But my real issue with this, is that - and I'm going out on a limb here - this is meant to hang in a car. And if you're a DJ and you're in your car, it's pretty unlikely you're 'at work'. Unless you're a taxi driver who DJs. Or a... a... a limo DJ? Is that a thing? Can someone find out if 'limo DJ' is a thing?

Rubber Duck DJ McCool

"It's a DJ Duck! Imagine if ducks could DJ! That's be quackers!" You'll scream, as your loved ones wrestle you to the floor and bludgeon you into a Christmas coma with DJ socks and Glow Sticks.

Tickets To Our New Years Day Party With Masters At Work

On New Years Day Kenny Dope and Little Louie Vega will be dusting off their legendary Masters At Work moniker and heading up one of the greatest house lineups your likely to see all year. How is this a cheapskate Christmas gift? Because it's a free party. So not only can you give your loved ones an amazing night out, you'll also look really generous while you're doing it. Because you're not going to tell them it's a free party, are you? Tickets here.

Happy Christmas!

More Guides:

Our Dance Music Christmas Gift Guide

SKream & Route 94's Guide To Partying

Danny Rampling's Guide To Acid House

Written by Matthew Francey

18 Dec 2015