Festivals 2015

The Glastonbury Awards

Who were the winners and losers of Glastonbury 2015?

As Michael Eavis says every year, this year’s Glastonbury was "the best one ever". So with that in mind, here are the best things I saw over the last five days of utter madness

Best Sound System: The Temple, The Common

A dance-floor set in an ancient wreck, Aztec on the outside with the inside resembling a pit fight stadium from Game of Thrones. As the DJ dropped Major Lazer, I half expected a dragon to fly over our heads to compliment the massive smoke effects. Round the corner we discovered a rave in a cave - a cave rave - that was only accessible via an entrance under a waterfall. Block 9 next door may have the bigger crowds but The Common has way more charm and a much better queuing system. It’s the Disneyland of al fresco nightclubs.

Best Food: Argentinian Steak House, Glasto Latino

Chips in Gravy that still had bits of beautiful bloody steak swimming in it. Worth getting an empanada on the side for dipping.

Most Justified Hype: Lionel Ritchie

Homemade flags were everywhere. He had the best t-shirt available at the merch stand (‘Hello? Is it mud you’re looking for?’). He even had a bar dedicated to him in the Shangri La area (The Shrinel – he just attracts puns). Yes it was cheesy. But in a field full of hungover people in fake ‘taches, how can you not sing along? And he’s just so damn charming!

Best Floor Filler: Hot Chip, "Dancing in The Dark"

Those who chose to move away from Florence on Friday night were treated to a stellar set on the West Holts stage. "Over and Over", "Ready for the Floor" and "I Feel Better" were all dispensed with early and so we wondered how they could possibly top their hits at the finale. Cue a guest appearance from Caribou and a synthed-up Springsteen cover with red flares going off in the crowd. The weekend started here.

Greatest Living Rockstar On The Planet: Kanye West

Greatest Living Bellend On The Planet: Lee Nelson

Best Kept Secret: The Underground Piano Bar

The location of this Irish run booze lounge with a crawl-through entrance changes every year to throw off potential visitors. We encountered the queue somewhere up by the Stone Circle on Sunday night and enjoyed a few hours of heavy drinking accompanied by the sounds of folk groups covering 90s hip hop, a pissed up professional opera singer and a random bloke from the crowd playing his own (terrible) one minute tune ‘Take me to the beach’. If you fancy joining me there next year, a word of advice – check the on-site maps.

Best Daytime Madness: Theatre and Circus Fields

A kazoo marching band; a group of OAPS doing ‘Uptown Funk’; a superhero with tourettes; a make shift Wimbledon match between Murray and Nadal complete with royal attendee, slow mo camera and Cliff Richard stand in; a rapper dressed as an old English explorer; a man on a piano attached to a bike – and they were just the acts hanging around outside the tents.

Best Portaloo: The Chemical Ones

Just outside the pedestrian gate, untouched for days.

Worst Portaloo: The Long Drop by West Holts

Took one look, walked straight back out again.

Best Double Act: Cassette Boy and DJ Rubbish

The perfect Sunday morning treat over at The Glade, Cassette Boy’s YouTube based mash ups of political broadcasts, Apprentice clips, Top Gear and more went down a storm. The highlight was an old school garage segment with pictures of beds in fields replacing Daniel Bedingfield as a man in a gorilla mask danced on stage and DJ Rubbish shouted his winking ironic catchphrase of "No Gimmicks!".

Future Headliners: Years and Years

When the crowd sing every riff as well as every lyric, you know you are on to a winner. They’ll be at the Pyramid soon.

Best Giant Fire-Breathing Spider: Metamorphosis at Arcadia

One of many reasons Glastonbury is the greatest festival in the world is that they have a giant metallic spider that shoots fire, catches people and turns them into disco arachnids in mid-air and shoots out dancers dressed in body suits who can control electricity with their fingers. You won’t get that at V Festival.

Best Drinking Buddy: The Dalai Lama

Lovely bloke. We celebrated his 85th birthday by getting shitfaced in The Rabbit Hole on Saturday night then hit the Beat Hotel with Nick Grimshaw on Sunday (Note - this may or may not have happened).

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More From Glastonbury:

Glastonbury's Dance Domains: A Journey Into The Electronic Heart Of Glastonbury

The Gospel Of Glastonbury

Last Minute Concerns Of A Glastonbury N00b

Written by James Wilson-Taylor

13 Jul 2015