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Listen To Some Good Advice You Wreckheads

The four day bender is upon us. Here's some decent advice to help you make it through.
 

Let’s hear it for the end of winter everybody


The five hours of daylight bestowed upon the country no long fall while you’re at work, and after the initial jet lag of the clocks changing, it finally feels like the endless days of darkness might be over.

But before any sort of ‘it’s almost kind of warm’ revelry can begin, we gotta conquer the inaugural Bank Holiday Weekend. From Thursday night (or possibly day, depending on how #loose you get) the taps are off, the office doors are firmly closed and Resident Advisor is raking the takings for four nights solid.

Steady though. Read, rinse and repeat before you lose your marbles on the run up to the world's most grateful religious holiday.


DON'T PEAK TOO SOON


Peaking is a painfully real possibility. Your over enthusiastic, fun starved body will see the chance to hurl itself into a Thursday night debauchery vortex as soon as 6pm hits, but your mind must tell it to reconsider. Unless you have firm plans to carry on going till Saturday and spend Sunday and Monday wondering where exactly you left your morality, ease yourself in. Come back by 2. Stick to clear spirits. The best is yet to come.


CHOOSE LIFE, CHOOSE DAY PARTIES


On bank holiday, day parties are for everyone, not merely those wise enough to book the following Monday off work. If chosen wisely, you may even end up with a street food selling extravaganza that’ll make you forget the venue you’re in has previously seen you at your 5AM lowest. Go forth, be free and indulge in guilt free daylight dancing, knowing that you can come home and rise a la Jesus, readied for at least two more days of Easter celebrations.


YOUR FAMILY MIGHT WANT TO SEE YOU


Par them off.

Just kidding. Four days off work with no commitments other than a slew of potential dancing opportunities and it’s likely that you’re going to get the summons from a family member you’ve neglected since Christmas. Easter is all about sacrifice after all, so the best time to schedule your family in is when you’re riding the energy spurt that will likely come in the late afternoon of Friday and Sunday. (Maybe? Seems logical enough). No-one’s nan wants to see their only grandchild weeping into their breakfast, so avoid morning meet ups at all costs.


GET EVERYTHING READY FOR MONDAY


You'll want everything lined up in grabbing distance from your bed from Wednesday night. Don’t think you’re going to be able to amble to the shop at half past four on Monday to bulk buy your hangover cure, because everything other than the Chinese will be closed- and there’s no way a Chow Mien is going to stop you from hallucinating.


REMEMBER, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE WORSE OFF ON TUESDAY


IT IS FINISHED. But don't worry there’s inevitably going to be someone in your office at 11AM on Tuesday morning who’ll be complaining so loudly about the state of their broken psyche that you’ll feel quietly smug that it’s just a mouth ulcer giving you jip. Quietly give thanks and spend the month until the next bank LOLiday licking your wounds.


Looking for a good night out this easter? We're throwing four of them, with John Digweed, Blasterjaxx, Rinse FM and Flux Pavilion.


Follow Tam on Twitter


Other E-Z Guides To Being A Better Partier:

Our Foolproof Guide To Pulling In The Club

How To Go Clubbing As A Fresher

Illustrated Guide To Getting Into Berlin


Written by Tamara Roper

24 Mar 2016